When a Savior Can't Save
by CuteMcBeauty
Summary: Emma lost him, and she lost hope. She falls ill. But then, she finds hope again when an unexpected opportunity makes her realize that while she lives... he can come home. She can bring him home. Loosely based on the midseason finale (20 page one-shot)


WHEN A SAVIOR CAN'T SAVE

 **Six days.**

It has been six days since the darkness was been defeated, six days since the town regained its own version of peace and quiet, because this is Storybrooke, a place where peace and quiet are a very, very relative thing. Six days since people began to go back to their routines: bakeries, clean driers, little quaint cafés and modern fashions. The harbors have once again recovered the sound of seagulls and buoy bells as they bob atop the waves in the distance.

Six days since Emma Swan came back from the darkness to being the savior.

Six days since the town won. And six days since Emma lost.

Snow's words to her devoted husband upon returning from Camelot, their memories gone and their daughter a fully transformed Dark One, had turned out to be an eerie prophecy: " _If we win… Emma loses_." Despite the lack of their recollections, the price for something as harsh as completely removing the darkness from a human soul was usually the same: A life. And normally, it's a life one holds far too dear, the one that aches the most to lose.

It's been six days since Killian Jones passed away.

Six days since he had plotted, manipulated and twisted the presence of every Dark One ever, threatening to help in the slaying of Emma's family, to then just have the love of his life slay him and finish the darkness once and for all. Six days since Emma saw him, his gaunt, tormented face, looking from Excalibur's blade in his gut to her eyes, his own, pain ridden but back to the serene beautiful blue, and a nod as a soft, broken " _Thank you, Emma…"_ was wheezed out before he fell. Six days since she held him as he toppled, professing apologies to him after a final exchange of vows of unyielding love, a love that somehow broke through the darkness and shone bright. Six days since she felt him caress her cheek for the last time. Six days since she had seen those magnificent cerulean orbs lose their shine and disappear behind a thin curtain of fleshy eyelids, cascades of black lashes adorning the rims of his eyes, a sleeping, beautiful face, even in death. He had never looked as peaceful, as serene, as he did now. Six days since that beautiful body, lax and devoid of life, was covered and taken away in a gurney, his hand in her grip, the last link to her living love, pulling away as her parents held her from collapsing to the floor in a heap of sobs and anguished hollers of pain, as her Killian, her Hook, her one true love, finally joined the ranks of the dead.

Six days since his sacrifice had made him the biggest hero the town had ever seen.

Emma lies on her bed, her massive, four poster bed, a piece of antique furniture that came with the house. A few other beautiful trinkets were included: A Victorian armchair, an apothecary table, chandeliers and a marble statue of Eurydice in the garden. The rest of the meager décor she had magically poofed into place, during her brief period as a Dark One. But as she is lying there, curled up in a fetal position, she refuses to open her eyes to see any of it. It's all a reminder… a reminder of the evils that had taken place to provide her with that home… and how that home itself had once been a symbol of love, a promise for a happy, loving future. She sees him in the garden now, the two of them playing with water hoses on a hot summer day; she sees him trying to figure out how to fix a leaky faucet; she sees him coming home one day, a small sailboat attached to a U-Haul dolly at the back of her father's truck, a huge smile on his face because this, he figures, is the closest thing he can think of to getting Henry his first car when he turns eighteen; she sees him, shirtless, in the kitchen, trying to handle making a hot stack of pancakes and hilariously burning them; she pictures his face, hovering above hers on that same bed, sweat beads on his temples and a smile, bodies pressed together and professing his love for her after they both have reached completion; she can also see him in the huge master bathroom sunken tub, tired after the next battle (because there is always a battle), while she gently scrubs his back with a sponge. She even sees him, awake one night, quietly promising their firstborn child that he would never, ever leave him or her… that he would always be there to raise him and be the father he never had.

She sees his ghost everywhere, in diverse shadows of what could have been, had it not been for her. But this house, these promises, it's all now an empty shell. And so is she.

She has her back turned on the side of the bed that would have been his: right by the floor to ceiling window, so the sound of the distant waves could reach his ears and hush him to a gentle sleep. She cries, tears sliding down her temple and into the pillow, but she does not sob or heave. The saline droplets from her eyes seem to have a life of their own, and so do her lips when a soft whisper, far too quiet for even the mice to hear, is spoken through her weakened breath. " _Killian… Killian_ …"

She ignores the sound of her son's voice, desperately shouting for her and throwing tiny pebbles at her window. "Mom! I know you're in there! Please don't shut me out!"

" _It's for your own good, Henry…_ "

And it is, at least that's what she believes. Everyone she loves is always in danger because of her. She had liked Graham… he died in her arms. Neal had been saved and he too, died in her arms. Her eight month affair with a rugged salesman in New York had also ended in tragedy; turned out he was The Wizard of Oz, turned into a monster sent to spy on her, and he ended up turning into a cloud of green smoke on the pavement. And only just, she had recently lost everyone, from her baby brother Neal, to Henry, her parents, her friends…

All those horrible losses had taken a toll and left an already fragile heart tethering on the edge of complete annihilation.

It took, however, the death of her one truest, most devoted love, her friend, her anchor… her captain, to completely shatter it without hope of ever being the same.

Brave savior… saves towns, saves people, saves the day, even under the guise of the most terrible darkness… but at the end of the day, she can't save her love. She can't save her heart. She can't save herself.

Dark Hook was right: In the end, she pushes people away to become the lonely orphan she has always been.

So it's been six days since she's been cooped up in that room, six days since she bathed, six days since she last had a bite of anything to eat and has barely at all had anything to drink but a few handfuls of tap water, whenever she can muster the strength to get up, only to crawl back into the same place, the place she should have been sharing with her pirate.

The hole beside her is nothing compared to the hole in her soul.

" _Killian_ …"

She feels her world darken. She doesn't even notice the moment she loses consciousness.

 **Five Heroes**

Five heroes sit around a table.

"She won't even come to the window. She doesn't want to see me." A dejected Henry shrugs as he pushes away the plate of French fries his other mother ordered for him. Regina gulps, remembering how she too had pushed him away when the whole Marian snafu took place. She simply shakes her head and puts an arm around his shoulders.

"She lost someone she loved very, very deeply, Henry." She speaks to the boy. "She just needs some time to recollect her thoughts and … mourn him, I suppose."

Henry nods, eyes glazed with tears that refuse to fall. "I get it. I miss Killian too. But at least I'm with my family." He raised his eyes to his grandparents. "She just shut herself off completely. Again."

A thundering and pained silence takes over the table. There is not one amongst them that doesn't feel the loss.

Mary Margaret shakes her head, a concerned scorn on her already heavy brow, her infant son in her arms. She turns to her husband, her voice breaking. "She has fought so hard, David, been through so much. Now this… It's so unfair…"

David nods, pressing his lips together and sighing deep before speaking. "Took me a while to see the guy for what he really was deep down. Now…" He shrugged. "I just wish there had been another way."

Henry looks up. "He died a hero."

Snow finally feels herself break. "Maybe. And that's great for us, and for the town and maybe even for him. But Emma?" She heaves and shakes her head, now sobbing. "She's our daughter, and we were the first to hurt her, even if it was for the greater good. Do you remember what she said to us, David? Right after she broke the first curse? She told us that despite the whole thing about… the hero thing, she still grew up alone and in pain. Or what she said in Neverland, about her being no more than an orphan who didn't matter? She's been fighting so hard, for us, for this town, for… for him. And here we are again. Only this time, it's worse, David, much worse… It took her ages to let him in, to let ANYONE in, she was terrified but opened herself up to love. And she lost him. She lost the man she loved, David, her one true love, can you imagine how broken, how devastated I'd be, if I lost you the way she lost him?" She swallows. "Even if you died a hero; that would not make it hurt ANY less. It would be almost impossible for me to move on." She looks at her family. "We are losing her again. Her walls will go high up and she will choose to be alone because to Emma Swan, being alone is far less of a risk than letting people in again and getting broken when and if she loses them."

Regina closes her eyes. "I'll… I'll poof over there, see if she's ok. She needs her family, or at least a friend."

Robin, who has just joined the table, places a hand on his girlfriend's shoulder. "Give her time, Regina. Do you think perhaps she might actually need to be alone for a few days?"

"No, not Emma." Regina replies promptly. "She's pretty unpredictable when she's upset." She chuckles. "I still have a chain-sawed tree in my garden to remind me of that." She stands up and sighs. "Wait for me here, I'll be back as soon as I can." She flicks her hand up and literally goes up in a cloud of thick, purple smoke.

Mary Margaret continues sobbing into the shoulder of her husband; David himself feels a tear run down the corner of his eye. Emma is their daughter, their little girl… their savior. And she is in deep, deep pain. As parents, the feeling of helplessness, of not being able to stop the cutting blade of loss in Emma's soul, is tearing them to shreds. They too, lost a dear, dear friend and ally… and now they are losing their daughter once more.

Henry continues staring glumly at the plate of chips, remembering a game with loaded dice and endless afternoons under the sunset, sailing and learning how to read the stars and tie over a dozen different knots, slowly and amicably bonding with the man who would have been his stepdad for sure. Robin silently sits beside him, placing a rough hand on the boy's shoulder. He too hangs his head low with a sigh.

The pirate is… was a friend.

They are all mourning.

 **Four seconds later**

Four seconds later, Regina Mills appears in the middle of a cold, dark living room. All lights are off.

"Emma?" She calls out. "Emma, I know you're in here…"

For a moment she ponders if her friend might be sulking in her late lover's ship. But for some reason, she doesn't think so.

She feels her legs walk up the stairs. "Emma… you have to stop this…" She speaks as she goes up one step and then another. "Your family is worried, Henry's pretty crushed…" she knows she can't sound too demanding; Emma promised her her happy ending, and she had delivered on her word, a promise which had set in motion the situation that led to Captain Hook's untimely demise, a sacrifice, one for the team. Regina got her man and kept her own soul intact… Emma became dark, did terrible things, and lost her love in the end.

It was only fair that she should at least try to return the favor and help brighten Emma's fragmented soul.

"Emma?" Regina walked slowly, her stilettos sounding like deep thuds against the hardwood floors, her head peering through every partially open door. "Come on, Swan, where are you?"

She hears a whimper. "Emma?" She pushes past a partially open door and is welcomed by the smell of enclosure. The curtains are drawn shut, it's dark and stuffy… and Emma lies on her bed, on her side, pale, her hands with fingers entwined, an attempt at feeling once again what it was like to feel that from her Pirate. But her face… her face is ashen, drawn, circles dark and deep under her eyes.

"Oh god…" Regina paces hurriedly to her side. "Emma?" She shakes her gently without getting a response from the young woman on the bed. "Emma! EMMA!"

All she gets is a whispered whimper that sounds an awful lot like " _Killian_ ".

Despite the past, Regina now feels a deep love and connection for this little family. Snow White is technically her step daughter. She has opened to her, made amends. David taught her how to dance. And Henry… well, Henry is her son. And Emma's. And if the young savior dies this day, this will be too much for the little family. Snow, David and Henry will be utterly devastated.

She has always been proud of her ability to think coldly, but she cannot help feeling her own hand shake as she, first and foremost, calls an ambulance. She then calls David, because she knows that calling Snow would raise panic and calling Henry would terrify the young man.

She heaves and sits on the floor, her hand grabbing Emma´s wrist. Her skin is cold, her pulse is weak. "Oh, Emma…." She whispers, and it's not until she sees the flickering lights of the ambulance that she leaves her newly proclaimed (and only) friend's side.

She notices the pool of urine dripping down at the foot of the bed and her heart breaks just a little bit more for the reckless self-abandonment of her friend.

"You stupid, stupid girl…"

In spite of the mordacious words, there is no poison in them. Just concern.

 **Three hours**

They have waited for three hours at the hospital for news on Emma. They don't know what it is, did she take something? Is she ill?

Did she just will herself sick?

When the (only) town doctor finally emerges, everyone stands up.

Whale sighs and shakes his head. "She's starving. And dehydrated. It was a close call, her kidneys had begun to shut off. But, if we keep her here for a week, she will be fine." As her family heaves with relief, Whale raises one hand. "However, I think it's vital that she undertakes therapy, maybe even some time in the hospital's mental ward."

"Emma just lost Killian!" Snow barks. "She is NOT crazy!"

"No, she is depressed. Deeply and dangerously." Whale is quick to defend his medical opinion. "She is having a very hard time handling her loss. I…" He shrugged. "I heard about what the Captain did, and I together with this town, have ad debt of gratitude to him, so I will do you all a favor. I will arrange for Emma's stay in the best part of the ward and I will personally inform you of her progress."

"Wait…." David holds out his hand. "So, in order to help her… you need to ISOLATE her?"

"How will that help? We are trying to pull her out of the isolation as it is!" Snow pleads.

Whale nods. "You will have round the clock visiting rights, I'll even arrange for a couch to be moved in with her. But try to understand; Miss Swan left herself to die, now whether it was intentional or simply a result of not wanting to even get out of bed, that is yet to be determined, but one thing is certain, she is NOT well, she needs help… and that's what I can do to help her."

Regina shakes her head and falls into Robin's embrace as Henry too leans against her.

Snow and Charming are at a loss for words.

Perhaps this is what she really needs. But so many times, they have been wrong, making so many wrong choices with the best intentions.

David suddenly looks up to the doctor. "Is there a way she… she could have this care at our home? I don't know, a 24-hour nurse?"

"Yes!" Snow turns to whale. "Yes, that's another possibility, right?"

Whale thinks about it for three seconds, his lips compressed. "She would still require medication, and therapy, lots of therapy."

Henry steps in. "Dr. Hopper is my friend. He can help, he's never treated my mom, and he'll do house calls if I ask him to, especially if it's for her!"

"We will make sure she has everything she needs, the pills, and the therapy, whatever." Snow insists. "Just… Please, let her come home to us. She just lost her love, she NEEDS to be with her family, even if she doesn't think so."

Whale sighs and nods. "Well… Maybe it would actually be beneficial for her to see what the captain sacrificed himself for. He wanted her to live. So… this could actually work, if she sees that she is still not alone and that she has people who care for her and love her. However, she does need to stay here for a few days, while she recovers. I want to monitor her kidneys for a couple of days and she desperately needs the I.V. for now. Also…" He sighs. "As a Dark One, she didn't sleep. Her body without the Dark One's curse is exhausted. She needs to rest. Sleeping while she recovers might be the best course of action here. For the time being, she's stable and her prognosis is good." He taps his folder on his hand twice and turns to David. "If you'd be kind enough, David, there is some paperwork we need you to sign…"

"Uhh, yeah, of course…" He hands his son over to Snow and follows the doctor down the hall.

Snow rolls her eyes and turns to sit down. Regina is suddenly acutely aware of the distraught look on Snow's face and she turns to Robin. "Look, do me a favor…" She says softly as she produces a few bills out of her wallet . "Take Henry home, pay Roland's baby sitter and wait there with the boys, there's no point in Henry being here while we wait."

"No, I want to be here!" Henry is quick to protest. "That's my mom in there."

"Henry…" she places both hands on the boy's cheeks. "Listen to me: It's almost midnight, it's hardly any good for you to stay here and just… suffer through it…"

"But…"

"I know you're strong, Henry, and I know you are as important to her as much as you are to me, but you can't do much more. You can come over in the morning, see how Emma is doing. I'm sure we will all have a different outlook once we make it through the night. I promise I will call you if anything happens."

Henry huffs and nods. "Anything?"

Regina grins. "Scout's honor."

"I'm not a scout and you're pretty far from a brownie." He grins back.

Regina smiles fully. "Nonetheless, you have my word."

Henry gives a single nod and turns to Robin, who chats amicably with the boy as they exit the hospital wing.

Regina slowly sits down by Snow. "It's gonna be a tough next few days." She huffs.

Snow nods but says nothing.

"She's going to be ok, Snow."

"It's not that."

"Then what is it?"

Snow turns to Regina, pondering her words. "When you first cast the curse, I remember walking down the hall, looking for David. I could barely walk because I had just delivered Emma. When I found him on the floor of the nursery, with his shirt stained red with his blood… I thought he was dead. I held his head to my lap, and I thought… that's it. She's won. I lost everything that mattered to me, my husband, my newborn child… my whole life. She destroyed my happiness. " Regina looks down at her hands, still crushed by remorse of her past actions. Snow then grins. "But then… when I saw that Emma was gone, I realized there was hope ahead. I knew one day, I'd see my daughter again. Luckily, David didn't die, he just… he…"

"Became John Doe, yeah, no need to remind me, it was my design." Regina interrupts, a proud attempt to hide her shame.

"Regina… We all saw Emma that day. We saw how the darkest evil in the world was sucked back into hell while Killian agonized in her arms. We saw how she fell apart at the seams when his body bled out in her arms the first time in Camelot, and now, with a hole in his heart!It took us an hour to get her to stand from that spot, not to mention how she refused to let go off his hand when they took him away. And I just realized… It was… just like that day. I saw myself, my pain, in my daughter. But I had something that Emma no longer has."

"Hope."

"Yes." Snow blinks hard. "She's lost hope. And you know the worst part?" She turns two teary eyes to Regina. "I am usually the first one to tell her to hold on to hope, but this time I'm at a loss. I don't know how to help my daughter. You know why? Because… I don't know if I would have any hope left in me either if I were in her shoes, Regina. It took Emma so long to finally let herself be loved, moreover, to love someone back… and he's gone. I don't know if I would be able to take it either." She cleaned her tears with her sleeve. "What kind of help am I supposed to be, what kind of support? How could I possibly help her prepare for something of this magnitude? My child starved herself to the brink of death and I am…. Helpless!"

Regina simply closes her eyes and thinks of words where there are none. "The day… Emma and Hook came back from the past and dragged Marion back… or… my dear sister, whatever…" She sneers. "…I was angry, hurt… I felt betrayed. I forgot that nothing drives Emma's instinct more than the possibility of saving someone. She's a savior, it's what she does. Unfortunately, nobody taught her a damn thing about… saving herself. But no one can, really. She grew up alone, she's tough, she knows how to make ends meet, but… when it comes to the heart, she's too vulnerable. You can't blame yourself, Snow. Her walls were down and her heart was shattered." She grins. "The irony is… she told me that day that she had promised me a happy ending and that she would NOT back down. And she never did. She got me Robin back when we were in New York, she took the Darkness for me and then she tilted a bit more on the brim of evil to save him at my behest. Now we're here in one piece, Robin and I, and she…. Well." She looks at Snow. "I don't think anyone would ever be prepared, Snow. I lost Daniel and it sent me spiraling down a dark path. It was the same thing with captain Guylin… I mean, Killian, when Rumplestiltskin killed his girl. You can't be prepared. And you just can't know how it will affect you. All you need to do now is… be there. Hold her. Dry her tears and just lend your hand for her to squeeze, grab, or whatever. She needs to find her OWN way out of this. But she has something neither Hook nor I ever had…"

"The love of a family?" Snow sniffs.

"Exactly." She smirks. "And… there's the hope you need to give her. Remind her that she's not alone, not this time."

Snow stares blankly at Regina and smiles. "Wow, who are you, lady? I must be reaching a very desperate low where you are giving me hope!"

The former evil queen cackles softly. "Just goes to show."

"Thank you, Regina."

"You're welcome."

No more words are uttered.

 **Two weeks**

In two weeks, Emma is at her parents' again. She is in a familiar setting. Her old bed. But she still sees him everywhere; the both of them collapsing on that very mattress as she practically pounced on him, relieved that he was not dead.

Oh… the subtle ironies of fate….

While she's still not eating or talking, she has accepted the cares of her mother, grinning bleakly with muted gratitude when Snow gently sponges her back in the tub and shampoos her gorgeous blond locks. She has embraced her son's company when he comes to see her, every day, and reads stories to her, while she listens to the sound of his voice and the peaked enthusiasm of his narration. He has started writing, so she knows he has probably written something about what happened, for it is now his utmost responsibility to keep record of the greatest stories ever told, even if he just does that on a lap top. She squeezes her father's hand when he tries, oh so desperately, to get her to open her mouth for a taste of food precariously dangling on a fork. She grins when her baby brother coos and breaks into a bout of giggles. She is grateful for her family.

But the loss is still strong.

One day, she receives a visitor.

She is surprised, for it's probably the most unlikely face she'd expect to see, especially after all she put her through in her attempt to set right the wrongs of their Camelot trip.

"I… heard you were a bit bent out of shape there…" The bold, flame haired girl steps in, her thick Scot accent even more powerful than her presence.

Emma flinches. She's no longer an immortal Dark One and she knows for a fact that this beautiful young girl probably has more balls than her whole family put together. And after what she did, she would expect no less than to at least have an arrow through her knee, like she had said she would do once.

"No no, relax, lass, I'm not here for… oh…" She pulls a chair and removes the large bow and quiver, together with an oddly shaped leather canteen. She sits next to Emma and gently pushes away the persistent serum drip. "Look, I'm going home. I'm a queen, I've a land to rule and been gone long enough, no thanks to you. But then, you and your Pirate did set things to rights, and so… well, I've a life's debt to you both. The darkness was a threat to us all. Now I've been told that up the hill, inside an abandoned mansion, sits an old door that leads to Arendelle. I can take a boat from there to DunBroch and be done with this." Emma simply grins back an apologetic grin and looks to the place where Merida's heart is now safely seated. Her face distorts into guilt. Merida shakes her head. "Now none of that, we fixed it all. It's in the past, bygones are bygones now, I always say, eh?" Her chipper smile does nothing to change the sad gaze in Emma's eyes. Merida sighs and looks around. "Look, I know you feel overridden with guilt, Emma. You want to carry the blame for doing what you thought was right, and the end result was fairly nefarious for sure. That just makes an already terrible loss even more difficult to bear, and don't I know that! But hear me out, lass, I've a way you can finally bring closure to this." Emma's eyes roll up to Merida's with an inquisitive expression. Merida's smile lights up once again. "Ah, I see I got your attention once more, have I? Very well then." She reaches down for the odd canteen. "This thing contains one more cup of a special, magical ale. In my land, this ale is powerful enough to summon those who have passed, whomever we wish to talk to. You just need something of his to hold on to while you use it."

Emma's eyes are instantly flooded with tears.

Merida grins and places the large canteen on Emma's bedside. "I advise you to be alone when you do this, lass. Just… pour some of this on the ground and hold on to something of his and… well, he should appear right up. I tried it once already, it works perfectly. It gave me the closure I needed and I've no need for it now. It is yours if you want it."

And Emma smiles, tears rolling down her face, for the first time in weeks. Merida smiles back and stands up. "Be careful what you wish for, Emma Swan. I once… well, almost lost me own mother to a curse because of a whim. But it was through the very hardship of that malediction that I got her back, and we both earned a big lesson about life; sometimes, the tides of fate are far, far too strong and they might make you sail a stormy sea, but they will always lead you back to hope. That's fate. If something is meant for you… then nothing, not even death itself, will stop you from it." She reaches out and gives Emma's hand a gentle squeeze. "If ever you go to my land, be sure to speak my name or you'll get an arrow to the head from a guardsman. They are the "shoot first and ask questions later", type of lads…"

Emma chuckles and squeezes her hand in gratitude just before Merida leaves.

She stares at the canteen on the bed and swiftly reaches out for it, hiding it under her sheets before either her mother or father ask about it.

They are, however, relieved to see Emma actually eat that day. Just half a plate of jello and some toast… but it's something.

 **One night later….**

She is weak, but her feet are holding her weight once more. It is late at night when she slowly tiptoes out of bed. Her brother gave her parents a hard time earlier that day, so they are all languidly (and deeply) asleep. Emma gently paces back to her bed and pulls out the old canteen, and then walks swiftly to a small chest of drawers. She has his ring, that ring which was not meant as a proposal but as a promise of love.

It was basically the same thing, but heck, it was his and that's all that mattered.

With a sigh, she gently slips the long neck chain over her head and tears threaten to spill as she once again feels the texture of the silver ring on her fingers. _'It belonged to a better man than I, my brother Liam'_ , he had said, shame, regret and self-loathing ridged on his features. It ached her to think Killian had died without seeing how far he'd come, how beautiful a man he really was. Sure, the darkness (she had put in him, god-damn-it) had briefly taken over and he had basked in the power it gave him, but in the end, with a last, ached look, he had chosen love over power, and he had gracefully embraced death (again, the bastard, AGAIN) to save her and her family from a fate far worse than death. Emma's jaw quivers and she inhales a sharp sob, the droplets of saltwater in her eyes finally sliding down her cheeks, her hands still shaking from the feeling of Excalibur in her hands, her own two hands, the hands that had executed the deed.

It had to be done.

But why them?

Why her?

Why him?

She sighs deep, gathering her thoughts, her most welcoming memories, of her time with him. Tiny moments, really, stolen kisses, smiles, interlaced fingers, exchanged promises of love…

She reaches for the canteen and pours the remaining contents on the floor as her other hand incessantly rubs the silver ring. "Killian, come back to me…" She whispers, her eyes closed.

This is not the first time Emma tries to contact the dead; The whole gang had tried before to contact the departed with the full use of a dark ritual, led by Regina, so she expects to see a black swirling vortex open over her head. But nothing seems to stir. She slowly feels her hope die a second death, when a sudden smell reaches her nose.

Leather.

Soap.

Sea salt.

Rum.

"Killian…" she whispers and turns her head sharply, not opening her eyes until she is ready to be either surprised of disappointed. Slowly, she allows her lids to go up… up… up.

He looks like he had never died at all. He smiles at her. "Hello, love…"

Emma heaves, tears flowing down her cheeks, her hands shaking wrapped around the ring on her neck, as she repeats his name, incapable to stop. "Killian… Killian…"

His smile dissolves into an ached scorn. "Oh, my love… don't." He gulps. "All this pain, all this hurt, Emma, it has to stop."

"I… can't." She sobs softly. "I… miss you…"

He grins mildly. "Aye, darling. As do I." He steps to her and she is surprised to see that she feels the touch of his fingers on her cheek, warm and real and almost like he'd never gone at all. She suddenly collapses into his embrace and sobs hard into his chest. "Oh, Swan… I want you to live and love and find peace…"

"I… killed you."

"You killed the darkness Swan, but never me. And you had to, Emma. It was the only way to finish off the Dark One once and for all."

"It's all because of me…"

"Swan…"

She pulls away, holding his hand and his hook "I… I wanted to save you, so we could… have our life, our future… but I cursed you and … I lost you anyway. It was all me, it's always me, always…"

"No Emma, don't do this to yourself." he shakes his head and places a finger over her lips, stopping her momentum. "Listen, Swan, you are and always will be a savior. When you put the darkness in me to save my life, you set in motion the beginning of the end of the Dark One. Everything that happened, happened according to a design. It was meant to be."

Emma gulps and sighs. "Can I ever escape fate?"

He smirks at her. "No. You cannot. Every path you take will ultimately lead you to a destiny, darling. But the choice of the path is entirely yours. And that, is what makes you a hero or a villain. Take me, for instance… It was fated that I would be the one to destroy the darkness with you. I was fated, Emma Swan, to love you. And I was born centuries before you! I found a way to remain alive, young and physically unspoiled, I sailed in righteousness, and then in darkness, and finally, you came into my life and led me to find my way back to a hero's journey once more… it was for us to be together, love one another and build what it took to vanquish a universal foe."

Emma's head tilts down. "But I still lost. I lost you." She looks back up into his ocean blue eyes. "Our happy ending is no more."

He nods. "Well, happy endings are not always what we think they will be. I believe your own mother said that once. Maybe this is it for us, maybe it is not, but we are all ultimately fated to meet our destiny, Emma." He leans his forehead on hers.

"But you left me. In the end… I'm still alone."

"No love…" He raises his hand to her heart. "You will never be alone. You opened your heart to me and I'd be a damn fool if I had not accepted the invitation. I reside here, in your beating heart… and while your heart beats, mine will as well."

She raises her hand and caresses his cheek. "What will I do now? Without you?"

"Like I said, you won't be without me, Emma. But you have to promise me… promise me you will be well. Promise me you will fight and pull through this, because my love, I can't be at peace knowing you are not, I can't bear the thought of you in agony, Swan. Please… I need you to fight. There are many seas you've yet to course…"

"Henry…. He misses you too."

"I know."

"We all do."

"Oh, Emma…"

"Killian…"

"Yes, darling…"

"I… I…"

"I know, love." He grins and gently leans in for a kiss that feels far too warm and tender not to be real. Her heart races as she leans her hand on his chest, the rough black hair coarsely cruising between her fingers, as she settles it right over his chest.

She frowns.

A bleak pulse is beating there. Dead men have no pulse.

She does not yet know from which fate or sorcery this new twist is rooting itself in, but she knows that his words are carefully picked, every time.

 _You killed the darkness Swan, but never me… the choice of the path is entirely yours… Maybe this is it for us, maybe it is not, but we are all ultimately fated to meet our destiny… while your heart beats, mine will as well…_

 _While your heart beats, mine will as well._

He looks at her, into her eyes, and his gaze speaks volumes. She is and always has been proud of her gift, a gift that practically enables her to read people out from their look in their eyes. He is in the underworld… He is being held. He is pleading through his gaze, as if he were being watched, much like the time he pleaded through his hand when The Crocodile held his heart captive.

He can come back; as long as she is alive, he can come back.

Realization hits as Emma blankly pulls away. He knows that she knows and he curses under his breath for not being able to keep her safe, safe from hell itself if need be. Because one thing he is sure of is that his Swan (and her whole blasted family) are known well for their relentlessness in keeping their numbers as intact as possible. But he also knows they have a love strong enough to overcome anything and everything.

They always find each other. It's what they're best at… "Where?"

"Far, love." He suddenly tenses. "Too dangerous."

"No." She shakes her head and paces forward, an Emma he loves and misses suddenly back in control. "NO! I will find you. And I will do what you did for me, over and over. I will bring you home. Home to me."

He holds her stare, a rabid, insane, love-filled stare that promises to kill him for real once she brings him back to life. And then to love him forever. He sighs. He knows there is nothing he could ever do that would stop Emma Swan, and his chest swells with pride.

And to be fair… the idea of home by her side instead of the smell of Sulphur and heated brimstone is far too enticing.

He smiles. "I've yet to see you fail." He removes the charms from his neck and hands them over to her; she immediately feels the metal in her hand and clenches her fist shut. "Follow your heart, Swan. Just…" he shakes his head. "…beware. The dangers of this quest shadow any and all challenges you have already overcome. But I trust you. You have beat the darkness before, I've no doubt you shall again. You are the savior, so do what you do best…" He whispers a plea. "… And save me. Bring me home to you, darling."

The effect of the ale begins to wear out. Killian's image starts to turn to greenish ash, from his heels and up. Emma once again closes the space and joins him in a frantic kiss. Her tears have stopped running. Her heart beats rapidly and she feels the lapels of his long leather coat crumble under her fingers. They keep their eyes closed and the last words she manages to utter are, "I'm on my way…"

She is left there, standing her fists still clasped together as if she were tugging him to her like she always used to. For a brief moment, she refuses to open her eyes, the echo of his response as he vanished from her grip once more still bouncing inside her head and heart. " _I love you…."_

"I love you too…" She replies to thin air.

The dawn finds Emma Swan in her pajamas, sitting boldly at the kitchen bar, violently gulping back a bowl of cereal. Her parents stand before her, still half asleep, but astounded. Only a day before, she was still mute and refusing a proper, full meal.

"Emma?" David frowns, confused. "What…?"

Emma spins and she speaks, complete beautiful sentences, through the contents of her mouth. "Morning, guys. I'm starving."

Her newly found hope needs fueling; Hope makes a person hungry.

"Emma, you should be resting, what are you…?" Snow shrugs.

"Ha! First you're BEGGING for me to eat and talk, and now you want me to stop talking and get back to bed! Gotta appreciate the irony…" She shows a legitimate smile and her parents are both terrified and overjoyed.

"Not that I'm not happy, Emma, but I don't… follow…" David shakes his head.

Emma looks at her confounded parents and the brightness of her face hails what they know is probably good news.

But they don't expect this.

"I'm going to get him back. I'm going to find him and bring him back home."

Their daughter has probably gone mad.

Snow heaves. "Emma... I…"

"There's hope. You believe in hope, right?"

"Baby, you know that the price for a life is another life, and you only just got rid of the darkness!" Snow shakes her head. "You can't…"

"He's not dead, not while I am alive."

David shakes his head. "That's impossible Emma, we saw you pierce his heart with Excalibur; you aimed true. The paramedics confirmed he was gone, how can it be that…"

The girl stands up and shuffles barefoot to them. "How do you explain this? You saw him wearing it the day it all happened, how come I have it now?" She holds her hand out and shows the skull and crossbones and silver blade. "Trust me, there's a way to bring him back!" she bites her lip and returns to her cereal.

David sighs and shrugs. "What makes you so sure of this, Emma?"

"Honey, it's been a tough few weeks and you endured a lot of pain, I understand that you may have a few very vivid dreams, but…"

"How about… you guys… have a little faith in me, for once!" Emma snaps. She stands up and runs up to her quarters, running back down with the empty canteen. "Merida brought this with her. She gave it to me. It had a magical ale that enables people to speak with those who live in the underworld." She hands it over to them. "I spent twenty minutes with Killian last night. I was able to touch him. I felt… his heart beating." She goes on to explain the situation in full detail. "Because his heart, is MY heart. I'm going to do this right, I'm going to give in to love. You two share a heart… so do we. I'll split my heart in two and bring him home to me, where he belongs."

It feels to the Charmings like the words of a woman convinced to save her one true love when her plan was to journey to into the very bowels of hell itself to get her Pirate back by sharing half of her heart with him. Just like they had.

Her parents blank. Here they all go again…

Emma shakes her head. "Look, I'm going to do this. I love him too much and we both fought too hard to lose it all. He would do it for me. I know he would. So…" She pushes past them. "I'll do it for him. I'm bringing him home to me."

When she reemerges twenty minutes later, wearing a white sweater, jeans, boots, a grey beanie and her favorite red jacket, she also finds her parents, fully clothed. "What… what are you guys doing?"

Snow raises her chin. "We are coming with you."

"You're right." David nods with a grin. "We have doubted you many times, Emma, and it's unfair. Hook is an important of your life now. This is a family affair, we look out for one another, and we will do it together. As a family."

The sudden acceptance of her strength as well as the acknowledgement of Killian as her family, has Emma beaming as she embraces her parents.

In the end, they find themselves at the park pond. Somehow, Henry has coaxed her into letting him join the quest. Regina and Robin are faithfully there.

Oddly enough, so is Gold, who in spite of the years of feuding with his nemesis, has found it in his heart to let go of it, together with any remaining darkness in his heart. It's his blood that opens the portal to hell itself.

Family will always find one another.

 **A MONTH LATER.**

The day they return from hell, he has no recollection of it.

Killian reappears exactly where he had fallen, with Emma holding his head. She is the savior again.

"Emma…" he whispers, unaware of the fact that this scene played out a month earlier.

"Hey…" she smiles. "We did it!"

He reaches out to touch her cheek. "The darkness… it's gone."

"Yes it is." She weeps.

She knows that it will take a few weeks for him to regain his memory of his ordeal in the underworld. And it's better that way, she will not pressure or push him. She is only happy that he is here, alive, in her arms.

"Emma, those… those things I said to you, I am… I am so sorry…" Regret is etched on his face. "I broke your heart, Emma, I hated doing it, even then, but I had to do it, I…"

"Shh, it's ok…" She leans forward and kisses him gently. "We both hurt each other, but we will work though it together, like we always do."

He smiles and reaches his hand up to pull her head in for another kiss.

She then helps him stand.

Henry runs to him and hugs him hard. He returns the embrace and profusely apologizes the lad for the pain he submitted him to.

David and Snow also approach him; the lady Snow simply jumps around his neck and welcomes him back, their friend and fighter, to the light. David smiles and shakes his hands. "Never doubted you for a second…"

"Thanks mate."

His face is dark still, the beard thicker and longer, not to mention blacker than night and not the gingerish hue it used to be. His hair is still long and unkept, the kohl liner in his eyes smeared under his orbs and casting a terrible shadow. He is ashen, thinner... and exhausted.

While he does not remember where he has been, everyone else shares the same after effect of having been to hell itself for him. He turns to Emma and frowns. "Wait… wait Swan…" He holds his hand out. "You…. When you stabbed me to rid us all of this darkness, you came back dressed in your red jacket. Why are you suddenly…?" He eyed her from head to toes. She looked dirty, exhausted and her attire was her white jumper and beanie. "Emma… did you take my memories again?"

She smiles, tears finally sliding down her face. He notices that she, too, looks like she's been working in a coal mine for a week. He grimaces at the bloody cut on the line of her hair and the bandaged hand that clings to his jacket like she was afraid to let go. "No… no I didn't. You will get them back in time, Killian."

"I…. I was supposed to die…" He shakes his head.

"You… did die. Kind of." Emma gulps. "For a whole month, I… I…"

"We all went to get you out of the underworld." Robin grins. "It was the least we could do."

Killian leans on his elbows, and looks at the entourage one by one: Henry grins, a trail of blood clinging dry between his nose and lip. The royal couple doesn't look too good either, with David's shirt torn and blood stains on his shoulder, and Snow with what looks like a punch blister on her lip. Robin and Regina hold no physical injuries, but look like they'd been through hell and back. And they have.

He looks at Emma. "The underworld…"

"You didn't think I was gonna let you go without a fight, did you?"

"A month?" He reach out and touched her face.

"Yes."

"But you pierced my heart! How can it be?"

David and Snow grinned and walked over to the couple on the floor, crouching down with a grin. "Emma split her own heart in two for you." She grinned before Killian's sudden stunned façade. "It's a small sacrifice to save the people we love."

"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree." David quipped.

Killian looked at them. "I can't…. I…"

Henry rushes over and kneels beside his grandparents. "We all went to find you. Family sticks together… and you're family now."

His eyes start to well up.

"Our hearts have been beating as one for quite a bit there, Hook." Emma grins, caressing his gaunt, sullen face with tenderness. "You paid me a visit here once, and I felt a pulse on your chest. That's how I knew. You said it to me, you said that while MY heart was beating, yours would too."

"W… we share a heart now?" His eyes fill with unshed tears. "We really… do have a single heart beating for the both of us?"

"Yes, we do."

"Emma…" He gasps, as his head falls into her bosom. "Oh, Emma…"

She holds his head to her body, his tears staining her white pullover, and she kisses his moppy head repeatedly, just happy… no, delighted to have the chance to do so once more, to hold him and love him the way he actually does deserve to be held and loved.

His eyes open and he looks at Regina and Robin, looking down at the scene… and he grins.

Even Regina grins back at him.

 **A YEAR has passed.**

Even now, the slow decanting of memories as they return into his brain little by little are enough to awaken him in a bout of panic hollers in the middle of the night.

The chains. The brimstone. Seeing her and not remembering her glorious face. The plot to keep Emma in the underworld to snuff out the chance of the world having a savior. Henry almost dying. Pain. Agony. Torture… and hope.

This time, however, he only jolts up, bathed in sweat.

His love lies motionless in bed and only stirs. She's had a tough few nights with the newfound peace that enabled them to start this new life together. The child inside of her has deprived her of precious sleeping hours and now that she has managed to get some sleep, he does not want to be the one to waken her again.

He huffs and runs a hand down his face as he steps out of bed, tiptoeing to the kitchen for a glass of water. Or rum.

Maybe rum.

He remembers this house; he remembers seeing it on the paper, and reading the description with unbridled enthusiasm. He recalls the quirk on Henry's eyebrow as the boy nodded his approval, not just of the house, but of his plans to ask his young mother to be his family.

They are yet to wed, in spite of Emma carrying his unborn child. She will get to that point eventually. If he knows his Swan, chances are she will be the one to propose. For the time being, he is more than content to have her in his life… his life! The one he's enjoying because of her love, her heart beating within his chest. And this has more than once enabled his very soul to almost feel the little life they have formed together, as his or her little heart beats within his Emma's womb.

Whatever travesty they endured, was worth every ounce of pain for those little moments.

He silently takes his tumbler in his hand, and paces out to the living room. He sits the glass down and peeks through his spyglass to look at the view of the ocean. Alas, this night, there's a thick fog cast over the waves, but the sight is still rewarding.

"How's she looking tonight, Captain?"

He turns swiftly to find Henry standing there, clad in his sleep clothes, just smiling at the man whom he has almost now completely embraced as his father.

Killian huffs. "She's overcast. Thick fog, lad."

"But you're a hell of a captain. You'll find a way to sail her safely to shore, right?"

Hook nods. "Aye… with your help, I can always find the way to bring her home."

Henry simply smiles and nods. "Yes, sir. We can handle her if we all stick together."

"Always." Hook smiles back, pressing his hand to his chest.

With a nod, Henry just rolls back up to get some sleep.

When Killian finally finds his way back to his bed with Emma, he finds her still blissfully gone to the world, her lips slightly parted and snoring softly. He kisses her head and she stirs to quieten her snores as she snuggles against him, even in deep sleep, as he presses himself to her back. His stump travels to her bulging stomach and he is in awe at the marvel she holds within her body, the life they made together also sleeping still within; he still can't help but ache at the notion of how this precious, perfect woman grieved and ached when he passed away. His shared heart still feels the crushing pain of knowing she too was almost gone, when the sorrow of loss had made her lose her appetite to the point of starvation. He then gently squeezes her closer to him.

She may now have the ring he once held as a life guarantee, but he no longer needs an amulet to be a survivor… he has a family now, and nothing, not even death itself, can ever tear him away from his Emma, Henry and their little one soon to come.

This time, he will be a REAL survivor.


End file.
